We have started writing several times over the past month or so and stopped and saved the draft. There are only so many ways to say we are still waiting. There are a couple things we want to share.
We want to talk about our timeline and how that looks with not only an international adoption, but adding on the unpredictable variable of working with a third-world country.
When we signed our application with our original adoption agency, we were told up front that the process to adopt from Haiti could be 3-4 years from start to finish. By “start”, we mean from starting the home study process in the United States and “finish” meaning when our child is home with us. The average time we were/are hoping for is the 3 year time line. Our home study took a lot longer to be finished than estimated. Then we had the surprise of our first adoption agency merging with our current adoption agency. Both agencies are valid and reputable and we personally know families that have adopted children using them.
From the time of our filing our application and starting our home study, we spent over a year compiling paperwork and getting certifications here in the United States. Our dossier did not arrive in Haiti until May and was not registered with the government there until June 2019.
You are going to see us use the word “guesstimate” a lot now and in the future. From the time our dossier was registered in June 2019 we were given a guesstimate that our wait to be matched would be 11 months. We are actually still within that time frame and have not gone beyond any guesstimates we were given up front.
Now the country of Haiti is in a crisis that continues to worsen. This most likely WILL have an effect on our timeline.
The second thing we want to talk about is helping our family avoid negativity during this time. As you can imagine, waiting this long without much progress can be incredibly frustrating. At times it is difficult to clearly understand what God is doing. Sometimes we get discouraged. But there are a few ways you can help us during this process.￼
1. Do: Keep asking how we’re doing.
Every time you ask us how we’re doing, it reminds us that you care and that there are people who love and support us. Sometimes it’s hard for us to share about the adoption when there is nothing new to share. So sometimes it’s hard for us to start the conversation. But when you ask us how we’re doing, and keep checking in from time to time, it reminds us that we’re not alone in this process.
2. Don’t: Share your frustrations with us.
When you ask us how we are doing or how the adoption is going, we will most likely share some frustrations with you. After all, it’s a frustrating process right now. ￼It may seem like sympathy when you say, “This is taking so long!” or “It seems like this isn’t going to happen.” But the truth is that this isn’t affecting you the same way that it’s affecting us. We believe that everyone means well when making those comments. We genuinely believe you feel for us when you say those things. But just know that we usually end up walking away feeling discouraged.
Avoid questions or comments like, “Are you sure you want stay with Haiti?” “Maybe you should consider a different country.” “Are you able to afford this?”
Yes, we will stay with Haiti. Why? Because we prayed for years for God to show us what to do and He led us to Haiti. We’re not going to abandon that course of action unless God calls us to do so. So no amount of time or frustration will cause us to quit. If God wants us to go in a different direction, we will wait for Him to make that clear. So far, He hasn’t changed His mind. And because He hasn’t changed His mind, He has been and will continue to provide everything we need to make an impossible adoption possible.￼
3. Do: Encourage us to keep seeking Jesus.
We’ve noticed a trend when people ask us how we’re doing with the adoption. Usually after we share that nothing is moving still, most people have an uncomfortable smile come across their face. They don’t know what to say next so we just sort of trail off into another subject. Please hear our hearts here. It’s ok to not know what to say. 😃
Probably the most helpful thing you could say to us would be something like, “I know this is frustrating, but Jesus is in control of all of this! Keep trusting Him! He will show you what to do!” That’s what we really need to hear to stay strong and encouraged.￼
4. Do: Pray for us…and with us!
We know that many people are praying for us on a regular basis. We so appreciate that love and support! But if you have the time, we would love it if you would pray with us too!￼. It is so encouraging to be able to go to God together with our friends and family.
We are not upset with anyone or want you to feel we are angry. We want you to join in the process with us. But in this season of waiting, we need strength and encouragement. We often feel alone and stuck. Your words make a tremendous difference in our lives to either encourage or discourage. We are so thankful to have your love and support.￼. We’re praying we’ll have good news to share soon. Until then, keep praying with us for Haiti and our future son or daughter!
Below you can find the link for the post we wrote about how God led us to choose to adopt from Haiti. We’ve had to remember often through this process that it was God that started us on this path and continues to direct our steps.